I hate swimsuits!

Okay, so I've put this blog off for as long as i could, but as i was emailing a friend today about my bathing suit shopping experience this year i just got too worked up, and can not hold it in any longer. OMG what is it with bathing suits!!! Obviously after having a baby recently my body isn't where i want it to be (even close for that matter) especially right smack in the middle of summer and bathing suit season, but i mean common, could there be a bathing suit out there that fits right (ugh)!  I decided to go with Land's End this year (and chose a ditty something like the one in the far left of the pic.) i ordered a couple from the website and then went to Sears and basically bought everyone they had, hoping that when i got home i could mix and match one half decent suit. so..after FINALLY finding a good combination I realized that even with boobs full of milk i still have no chance of filling the extraordinarily huge cups (in a size 8 for crying out loud) so i am currently in the process of having to alter a $80 dollar bathing suit. i mean common, shouldn't there be more options out there. To top  it off the only thing Brent could think to say about it was "it looks good i guess, kinda womanly." Great, just what i was going for..."womanly." so...this is what i realized after my bathing suit shopping experience this year. 

First of all, the Miraclesuit: it isn't! nobody is fooled here bathing suit making people. Any suit that is two sizes too small will reduce one's waistline by an inch or two, of course then you just have the added pleasure of fatter looking legs due to the fact that the fat that was around your waist, is now being squeezed down (tightly) to your legs, forcing it to bulge over the elastic. And why do they always come in hideous color combos, namely black or black with something? Do designers think that because a woman feels she needs a bit of squeezing that she's also in mourning?

Second: the tankini: why is it that these all look the same and fit completely different? Why do most of them have the high bottom if there's also a long top to pull down, creating layers of stretchy fabric around the middle (which is cute until you actually get in WATER...then you just look like you have a garbage bag on). And hello...my dilemma this year...why do many of the bottoms have a seam sewn right down the middle of the butt (Land's End, Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren)? Do designers think that just because it's mostly soccer moms wearing tankinis that we don't care if it looks like we have a butt crack on the outside of our bottoms?

Third: the bikini:  What is the point of labeling these things small, medium and large, when they are really small, smaller, and smallest? i mean seriously...the only people wearing the majority of the bikinis out there today are the prepubescent girls working at American Eagle and Gap that are selling them. Oh and don't even get me started on the fact that they are now selling "string" bikini's for my 3 year old, complete with triangle patches over the chest. Oh my. 

Fourth: Why don't manufacturers get it together an all do a mix and match? What woman is always an "8" in bathing suits for the top and bottom? Most people who are small on top are larger on bottom, and those who are heftier around the top and middle, tend to be a little lighter in the butt. That's the way God planned it: almost nobody gets in both ways. If you do, see Miraclesuit.  On second thought, don't!

Fifth: what is with the colors and patterns this year? Is it 1980? If i see one more flower-power neon suit i think i'll scream. And what's with the boy-cut 1960's bottom? face it, unless your a size 0 you ain't lookin' good in em'. 

Well I could go on all day, but i think you get the picture... does anyone else feel this way?